// On a sidenote…//

Even though I have work dread on the brain,

things couldn’t really be better.

And I am so…

Thankful

Happy

Excited

Thankful (it needed to be said twice)

// A few questions//

No one has all the answers, but I sure do have a lot of questions. 

Questions like…

How can I do better at eating the food and produce I eat before letting it spoil in the refrigerator? Buying food for 1 is tricky…

Is it bad that I’m totally unmotivated to do anything these days? 

Have I ever been motivated?

Am I unmotivated because I’m in a weird, dicey transition-y phase in my life right now?

Will I ever be/feel productive again?

Why is my cat’s breath so bad?

How can a creature be so cute, yet have breath that makes me dry heave a little every time it comes in my general vicinity?

How does 1 person accumulate so. much. stuff. ????

Will I make it through this weekend? (I’m very nervous about it.)

Will my parents disown me?

Will they try to make me feel guilty?

Do you know how to fix a lawn mower? Ours is on the fritz.

What will Michigan be like?

Will I make friends?

Will it be easy to transition living with a boy (and will the boy find it easy to transition to living with a slight control-freako like me?)?

Will I freeze to death in the winter?

And finally…

Will you come make my bed??

That is all.

// Rights of Passage: The End of the Sentence.//

It’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these… And I’m going for a biggie tonight. Just gonna dive right in: Getting your period.

I was an early bloomer in almost every way. On one hand it was so exciting, because when you’re a tween, you’re consumed with these thoughts of growing up and filling out and looking older. On the other hand, it was devastating to be the only girl that needed to wear a training bra in the third grade. Some things are just etched in your brain, and one of those, for me, is when Jordan told EVERYONE on our Tanglewood Park field trip that I was wearing a bra. Horrifying. Terrible. Embarrassing.

ANYWAY…

All of that aside, overall I was thrilled to be hitting these “growing up” milestones. By the end of fourth grade I’d read (and practically memorized) Judy Blume’s iconic book Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret. Even then, at 10 years old, I was aware enough to know that the book was written quite a few years before my existence (1970), and look how relatable it still was? (I also love that my copy of the book still refers to the belts that used to go with pads. It’s my understanding that now the book has been updated because girls don’t grow up hearing or learning about those kinds of “sanitary napkins” anymore. But I digress…)

The feelings, the emotions, the urgency that comes along with waiting, waiting, waiting all resonated with me and the other girls in my class that were smart enough to read the book. The book felt so personal and almost voyeuristic! It felt a little wrong or off limits and that made it so  exciting.

I was ready. I was prepared. My mom had me carry a pad in my backpack…just in case. I was dying to use it! But, I waited……

Fifth grade came along. More girls were catching up to me in terms of the whole bra thing. Now we were all waiting and excited to need to use the pads our mom’s had us pack in our book bags. And, strangely enough, the girl who “outed” me for wearing a bra, got her period before me! Go figure.

Towards the end of the fifth grade the boys and the girls were separated into two different rooms. The boys got a talk about…well, I don’t know what their talk was about. The girls got the body changes and period talk. I remember feeling so above it all. I didn’t have my period yet, but I figured I’d get it any day, and I thought I already knew it all. Well there was one thing I didn’t know: I didn’t know much about tampons. Our principal was the one who talked to the girls. She demonstrated how a tampon worked by opening one up and putting it in a clear glass filled with water. I’m not kidding when I say that every single girl in that classroom gasped. That tampon spread out and expanded like a balloon, practically! 

After that, I really was ready. By that time I was probably out of training bra and into a AA or A cup (like I said, early developer). I already felt so mature. I knew all the information. And I could now add tampon education to that arsenal of information.

As thought my body and mind were perfectly in tune, it happened. The summer after fifth grade. It started one evening, just before bed. I was using the bathroom and looked down and there was just the faintest red spotting in my underwear. Logically, I knew what it was, and yet the first thing that popped into my mind was strawberry kool-aid. I called my mom into the bathroom and showed her (I still wasn’t so so self-conscious yet to keep her shut away from awkward bathroom moments). I smiled from ear to ear. She cried a little. And that was that. Happy ending, right?

Well, not exactly. The next day I had cramps for the first time. I knew all about them, so I didn’t think they’d bother me, but the pain from period-related cramps is so different from other kinds of pain, you know? So uncomfortable. As I got older and my periods fell into a rhythm of sorts, I’d get the most awful cramps. Cramps that would make me want to stay home under the covers. Sometimes my cramps were so bad that my back and upper thighs would even hurt. 

I quickly began to hold a grudge against my period. It made me feel terrible. I had to wear those awful diaper-like pads (tampons were a godsend once I started wearing them). And I always just felt like people knew what was going on inside of my underwear once a month—it ended up feeling like a dirty secret, which was a little disappointing.

I’ve since re-read Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret. Reading Blume’s words as an adult brings me back to the time when it all seemed so magical and mystical and wonderful (and not the “curse” that it turned out to be for me)!

I now have a very “adult” relationship with it. My period serves as a way for me to tell if I’m healthy or not. It allows me to be better in tune with my real emotions versus my hormonal emotions. It’s something I now appreciate in a way, because it’s a monthly reminder to s.l.o.w. down and take care of myself.

And that’s a reminder I think most women need! 

// How to fix a Grump-Face//

Alright. I’ve thought about it. I know how to turn my frown upside down. It’s not dinner out. It’s not special ice cream. It’s not drinks with a friend. It’s even crazier than that. I want to clean. I want to tidy. I want to put some order to all the things that are cluttering my living space.

Yes, that’s right. The thing I will look forward to, the thing that will help get me through the day is playing maid when I get home from work.

I kind of got started after breakfast—I put towels in the wash, I swept all the floors in the common spaces of the house, a mini-cleaned the bathroom.

But tonight: I want to focus on my room. The clutter. My unruly bedsheets. The mail I’ve let collect on the so-called important pile of stuff that actually just collects dust on the floor next to my bed. Shoes on the floor. I’m going to fix it all!

I shall fall asleep in a clutterless paradise.

// Grumpalumpagus//

Hello. Hi.

Today is Wednesday. Not Friday. At least it’s not Monday?

I am a bit of a grump-face this morning.

I do not want to go to work.

I do not want to appear to be a functioning adult.

I want to play hookie.

I want a vacation.

I want to build a fort and go in it and read all day.

I want someone to mow my yard for me. 

I want someone to sweep and mop my floors. Could you do that for me?

But mostly: I. Do. Not. Want. To. Go. To. WORK. !!!!

Ever have those kinds of days? Hopefully they are few and far between. Typically they are for me, but with my job ending soon, and a big life change on the horizon… I am having more and more of these days. 

So. Let’s cope. How do you deal with those kinds of days? I give myself something to look forward to. It may be something simple: I might plan a special treat after dinner like getting ice cream. Or maybe I plan a little slumber party for one (plus a kitty) and pick out a favorite movie to watch. Other times it’s something a bit more elaborate: bake a new recipe. Treat myself to dinner out (by myself!). Go out with a friend.

Whatever it is, I find that mapping out a “Something To Look Forward To” plan helps me get through the blahs of the day.

What will my plan be for today? Not sure yet… I’ll have to think on it. Even knowing that I’m going to have something to look forward to lifts my mood a bit.